I'm Going to Work From Home Today: February 2017

Monday, February 27, 2017

cool.

scene: an art gallery in (relatively) well-to-do saratoga springs, ny. interior. a flurry of activity - teachers are picking up student work while college aged students drop off paintings, sculpture, etc. there is a young man (BENJAMIN) seated at the gallery desk. he is a volunteer.

(enter young, presumably attractive, college aged GIRL. she is carrying a large piece of sculpture. )

BENJAMIN: hey, uh...how you doing? i'll open the door for you when you leave.
GIRL: um, thanks?
BENJAMIN: you dropping stuff off?
GIRL: yeah. um...(shifts weight of piece. it is clearly heavy and she is clearly uncomfortable.)
BENJAMIN: (clueless) you go to school for art?
GIRL: yeah.
BENJAMIN: cool, cool. whatcha got there?
GIRL: (awkward silence, then awkward laughter) ummmm, sculpture?
BENJAMIN: cool.
GIRL: (still struggling under the weight of her piece, a bit frantic) can i just put it on this table over here?!?!?
BENJAMIN: oh, yeah, totally. cool, cool. so, uh, where do you go to school?
GIRL: oh i go to skidmore.
BEJAMIN: cool. i go to skidmore all the time. you know, to the water tower. drinking.
GIRL: oh yeah? us too. we go there all the time.
BENJAMIN: yeah, i go there all the time. sometime i just want to, like, bring a ladder and climb up so high that nobody can touch me, you know?
GIRL: (at this point she seems to have decided that BENJAMIN is more involved in this organization than he is and, presumably, useful. she's wrong on both counts.) (excited) oh my god totally. if you do that you should totally let me know because we're talking about doing that ALL. THE. TIME!
BENJAMIN: cool. you want my instagram?
GIRL: yeah, that sounds cool.
BENJAMIN: yeah, i got some cool stuff on there. you know, spray paint, and graffiti that i do. other stuff.
GIRL: cool.
BENJAMIN: cool. cool.
(administrators who have been eavesdropping stab themselves in the ears. BENJAMIN and GIRL are ignorant to the harikari of the ears taking place just feet away. they continue to make plans as he walks her to the door.)
(end scene.)

Friday, February 24, 2017

When it's 70 degrees out on a February Friday afternoon

and your boss tells you that the gallery doors must be shut because his dog, who has been locked in his office all day, could escape.

and then they leave 5 minutes later for a walk.

When it's the last day of camp...

the preschool has a unicyclist running around in the outer room during morning break, mutters of "jesus christ" are coming from the office down the hall, and then he comes into my office without a word and instead of asking where an unfolded newsletter is he starts rifling through the mailing and knocks an entire stack over....